Dear Iana

I’m just going to be honest and tell you that this is a love letter. I know it’s a little awkward and probably slightly weird, but I know you are worthy of this. You are loved and you need to know why.

I love you because you are caring, sympathetic, thoughtful, and compassionate. You see people in need and wonder what you can do to help or how you can make their days a little bit easier. I mean, you even joined an organization for this! I love that you are full of love and that you seriously want everyone to be happy.

But I also love you because you aren’t scared to take some time for yourself. You understand how appreciated and important you are, and that you can’t help someone else if you are falling apart. When you’re nearing your edge you eagerly step back. You know how to say no, to relax, and to put yourself first. I love that some of your favorite “me time” activities include taking a very loooooong bath, watching romcom movies especially A Lot like Love, When Harry Met Sally, and Before Sunrise trilogy, and making poems about anything you want.

I love you because you could have chosen any other career field, one that is easier and doesn’t exceed over 6 years, but you knew where your heart was, and you followed it. I love you because you are clever, strong-minded, inspired, and determined. You take the time to decide on what you want, and then you go for it.

I love you because you love to be silly and know how to have fun. Remember the times when you made a fort with your little piglets in your bed for no other reason than because you wanted to? That was amazing. And I love that you randomly make little animal noises and that you don’t think it’s weird to play with Hotwheels at your age.

I love you because you had your heart broken and you took the time to put the pieces back together. When you were ready, you put yourself out there again and I know that took huge amounts of courage. But look at what you have now! You found Cesar – the man who treats you better than you could have ever imagined and you two are still so very in love with each other even after 3 years.

I love you because you know what makes you happy and you surround yourself with it. Indie music, pizzas, pastas, cheeseburgers, Sprite, friends and families who love to laugh, romcom movies, and traveling. I love that you listen to Jason Mraz when you’re in writing mode, that almost every possession of yours are colored green, and that you aren’t anxious to paint your nails with rainbow colors.

I love you because you aren’t petrified of adventure. You aren’t terrified to take risks, try something new, and you have huge amounts of faith in yourself that you won’t fail. And if you do, you know that you’ll be making it through.

I love you because you don’t let yourself be sad. You will just sit with it, let yourself think of the brighter side of things, and eventually feel more positive. You are still learning how to be less irritated, but that’s okay. You immediately get quiet and just certainly don’t like to talk about it. Sometimes you let a hateful comment slip out, but you now feel horrible the second it hits the floor. You are starting to be more conscious of your words, learning to fill them with kindness, rather than hurt. You are learning and I am proud of you for that.

I love your straight short hair which you don’t comb, your dark brown eyes with your never-been-plucked eyebrows. I love your own version of curved waist and sexy hips. I love your soft skin for you never forget to put lotion on it every day, the super tiny moles in your face, and your small fingers and feet. I love your little nose, your cheeks that get rosy every time you feel hot and your little lips. I love that you are learning to speak gentle, encouraging words to yourself.

I love that you are unraveling yourself, on a journey to find your center, that part of you that is the truest version of you. I love that you are taking the time to learn more about yourself, that you recognize the significance of it and that you are so brave to face it head-on. But most of all, I love you for loving yourself.

Yours forever,Iana

Letter to my five year old self

Dear Five Year Old Iana,

There are so many things that I want you to understand. However, I know it would bore you if I will make a super long list so I’ll keep it short and focus on the most important parts.

First, your mom and dad love you no matter how it looks or how they will make you feel.  You’re lucky to have both parents who openly love you, give loads of hugs, kisses, support, and praise you. You can always easily count on them every time you need someone to lean to. So, make them proud!

Second, no matter what other people tell you with words or actions please know that you are smart. You will become a doctor (just like you've always wanted!) and go on to take care of the sick. You will be the best doctor in the country for you always had the heart to help people.  Just know that your brain is a good one, too.

However, please don't be in a hurry to stop playing with your toys. Yes, the things in your cabinet that Mama always put back, play all of it. You have the rest of your life to read Candy Mag or Total Girl, so don’t start now.  Go play, imagine, and create. Just be a kid!

Third, be nice to your sister Tintin (and to your two brothers that will come). Yes, she will be annoying you for a long time, or may be forever.  But you will grow up and realize she is actually going to be the best friend you’ll ever have. You will be glad to be close to her and to share stories with her every day in your bedroom. She will always be the first one who will know your problems and will always be the first shoulder you can cry on. I know you don’t believe me but it’s true.  Even though you are going to yell and scream at each other a lot, Tintin will always be there for you and I know you will always be there for her too.

Lastly but most importantly, you are free. You are free to choose the life that you want to live. You have the whole world before you and the love and support of your family behind you. All you have to do is trust yourself and don’t be afraid. You’re a young, smart, and beautiful girl who can reach her dreams. Just always stay true to yourself and tune into Jesus. I know you don’t know much about Him yet, but I know one day you will really know Him.  He is going to meet you when you least suspect it and most need it, and He will keep you going from then on.  You'll see.

I think that is all for now.  Learn a lot and always follow your heart. Maybe try a new sport (yes, I know you won’t take my advice on this one, but I had to try).

Love,19 Year Old Iana